Leytonstone. Home to a diverse population and the town for our first outing at a tasty Indian restaurant. This was unchartered territory for me, but enjoyable. Do you know he treated me with the utmost respect and paid for every meal? Unfortunately the enjoyment hit an unexpected storm. By our 3rd outing I discovered although I had stated ‘getting to know each other as friends’, in his mind the dating had begun.
Unsure of what to do, or how to get to know each other without leading him on, I made the difficult decision to cut it off. I was not going to be guilty of leading anyone on.
The thing is, sometimes the way we respond in the present, is a reflection of an incident we’ve endured in the past. Ian Wright speaks so well about this in his documentary Home Truths, currently available in the UK on BBC iPlayer where he shares about his turbulent upbringing as a child. The abuse he experienced caused him to struggle with a lot of anger as a young adult and man. This in turn caused him a lot of problems and sabotaged relationships with good people.
For me, I had been 15 years old – a new Christian – ‘bright eyed, bushy tailed’ (as the saying goes) and eager to learn to walk as a Christian. I was friends with a guy in church who was a part of the group of young people who attended there. In the course of time he revealed that he liked me and wanted to know if I wanted to go out. You know I did the right thing here – I went and prayed about it and thought ‘no, it’s not God’s Will for us to date.’ (I had childlike faith, kept it simple). But did he listen? Oh no! 3 more times he came back asking the same thing again. This is when I got real stupid. I admit it. I listened. I liked the attention and I wanted to know what it would be like to have a boyfriend (I’m cringing even now as I tell you this). No hanky-panky, I just spent time with him without the crowd. I went to his house and met his mum, but it soon became clear to me that I did not like him and I was getting entangled.
At the end of a Sunday service, I sat with an older lady / mentor in church. I explained my entanglement confessing I did not want to be with this guy but felt attached to him now (soul ties are a real thing, but that’s a whole different post). In faith we prayed and my mentor specifically prayed for God to cut the umbilical cord between us. Let me tell you, when you pray in faith you better be ready for the answer. The very next week I found out he’d been between the sheets with someone I knew well. My best friend.
That cut the umbilical cord alright.
So this situation with my Proposer, I was treading carefully – no leading on, no saying yes if I meant no. Since he was so sure, I felt I suddenly had to be sure as well. Was he the one?